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Monday, October 22nd, 2007
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11:45 am
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phonesex read/heard somewhere that fish oil is supposed the best thing ever for you. it has omega-3 fatty acids, which some experts claim are good. the only other "omega" i know is omega supreme, and he was pretty fucking awesome, so who am i to argue? this morning i popped my fish oil cherry. first of all, they smell like they sound - stinky. they are big for pills, but slip down your throat like swallowing a fish. and now every time i burp i can taste a bit of sardine and a bit of tuna. for the sake of the folks in the gym, i hope it doesn't make me sweat fish juice.
fantasy update: 3-3 in both the black and white leagues. i'm not sure how such mediocrity came to pass because both my teams are so fucking retarded. maybe if the vikings would ship the rock to peterson more than 12 times a game i could not feel so bad starting him over a 'workhorse' like brandon jacobs. oh, i won my baseball league but only by moving away from my strategy of drafting an all asian team. my roster only had 3 on it. :(
if you own an xbox360 please dl Catan and challenge me because i will crush you.
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| Monday, July 9th, 2007
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7:14 pm - i hate the 9:30 club...
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| Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
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10:27 pm - brad and joline
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phonesex is 25. she turned it yesterday. we went to citronelle to celebrate. the washingtonian ranked it #1 in dc metro, but we still like komi better. we did the 8 course tasting menu and while every dish 'worked', only a few gave me an erection. another thing that bothered me was reading dcfoodies.com's review from 2005. the menu described in that '05 review was pretty much the same menu we got last night. strange that they haven't evolved the menu. plus i had to do an unpleasant math problem that i've never really worked out before - what's 18% of 380? :(
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| Monday, January 8th, 2007
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4:46 pm
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phonesex and i made our annual trek to kalamazoo for xmas. the day after i arrived i was stricken with the worst stomach flu i have ever had. granted i've never had stomach flu, but this was pretty bad. at first i thought it was just the flu, so i continued eating 'normal' foods. then i experienced a sleepless night where it felt like i had a walnut stuck just above the sphincter at the top of my stomach and a set of inflated bag pipes lodged in my intestines. this lasted nearly the entirety of our stay, which meant no xmas dinner for me. in total, i lost 7-10 pounds over the holidays which is more than 5% of my total body weight. my appetite has not returned and my insides are still not quite right. anyone know a way to gain weight quickly without becoming a fatty?
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| Monday, November 20th, 2006
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2:38 pm
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i never thought i'd be this disappointed in michigan being a lock for the rose bowl.
go... irish?
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| Monday, October 16th, 2006
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9:19 am
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| Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
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4:01 pm
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so i irrationally have not been writing about the tigers because... well, i thought i might be jinxing them. but seriously that's voodoo-talk. did you look at the yankees line up? i mean i have not seen anything that retarded since dream team 1. leland is obviously a genius, but i have no clue why robertson is starting tonight. verlander would be going off normal rest, and then you could start rogers in game 2. he's like 25-1 career at oakland. now nate robertson is going to get 2 starts over verlander/rogers/bonderman??? unbelievable.
phonesex and i went to go see the departed over the weekend. i don't know about the theaters around you all, but amc hoffman only had around 7 showtimes per day. did they not realize that this movie was going to be seen by everyone? texas chainsaw had around 50% more showtimes. so needless to say the theater was packed. we are anal and get to shows 30-40 minutes early so we don't end up with neck pain. although i thought it was going to be better, i was not disappointed. i still like the original better for its style, cast, and originality, but i think this was a good adaptation. because infernal affairs was set up as a trilogy, there are a lot of plot holes and seemingly unnecessary scenes. the american version did a good job of compartmentalizing the plot of infernal affairs 1 and getting rid of the extra plot lines.
paintballing for the commie's birthday was awesome. in preparation i went to this army surplus store near me to get some camo. i figured most people would be wearing camo or dark colors. obviously when i show up at the birthday party, i am the only one wearing it. everyone else is in jeans or sweats. the commie is ridiculous as usual and wearing dress shoes, dress socks, and a sweater. he's the person who showed up to play golf and did not bring his clubs... he did not forget, he simply did not think they were 'required'. the fields that we played on were really nice… many places to hide and plenty of different terrains. however, i had anticipated larger fields and more interesting scenarios. we played capture the flag and eliminate the other team. boring. i mostly got hit in the head and have a few bumps there, but no welts or bruises anywhere. i am sore as crap though. i would love to do it again, but only with beginners. i saw some hardcore people out there and they scare me.
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| Friday, October 6th, 2006
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5:04 pm
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last wednesday night we were having drinks on the georgetown waterfront. this wednesday night we were snorting like pigs in the condo. i'm pretty sure equal fun was had in both activities.
the tigers have won a playoff game. the lions are 0-4. ok, so only one of these occurrences is peculiar. barry, please un-retire.
i creamed my pants during the opening scene of lost. i'm sure you all did too. after a weak entourage summer, it's nice to know some series can keep it up.
the departed has a 93% on rottentomatoes with 119 critics accounted for. seems like it's for real. plans for the weekend include it, a trip to the vet, and paintball. time to drink...
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| Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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12:05 pm
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so sushi ko is outstanding. thang asked phonesex and i to go there last week for dinner. he had executive chef koji cook for us. i think it was like 9 courses of the best sushi i have ever had. it didn't even taste like any other sushi i had before. sushi is like rice, raw fish, and roe, right? i don't think anything i ate resembled sushi. koji served us stuff with quail egg, truffles, lobster... stuff i'd never even heard of. it was insane, that's all i know. i'm left feeling like nigiri and spicy tuna rolls are synonymous to sweet and sour pork and egg foo young.
my ex-roomie brooke was in town from the west coast for a few days last week. since she's left dc, she can't seem to leave. at least a trip a year. unfortunately this time we had to hang out with her 'colleagues' from work. not that these people were as dirty or itchy as mange, but it's hard to catch up with strangers around. plus we had to deal with 'group-mentality' on all our decisions, which means consensus takes infy. for example, back in 2002 - which marks the last time i went out socially - dragonfly was an OK place to hang out. since the whole place is painted white, they often have anime or music videos projected on the walls. well as we were being seated, one of the 'colleagues' watching the videos saw a half naked man (bottom-half naked) lay on his back with his knees in proximity to his ears while another man stuck a thin stick in the reclining man's rear end. i didn't think anything of the video since i knew it was steve-o and pontius. however, i think this particular 'colleague' thought i had taken them to the kind of place that Commandant Lassard and Lieutenant Harris always end up in the police academy movies. so anyways this 'colleague' gets uncomfortable and asks us to leave. lame. i mean, even if it was gay porn on the wall, what's the big deal? fucking LA princesses.
speaking of steve-o, jackass2 was the best movie of the summer. they abandoned the squeamish bits - like the papercuts - and did a lot of clever pranks. boxing glove and card-throwing machine were my favorites. also it makes you realize how much of a fucking badass knoxville is. the guy is unbelievable.
so after 4 weeks of football, i am 4-0 in the white league and 4-0 in the black league. the white league team has been fucking retarded. mcnabb has been playing out of his skull. the black league team is very mediocre, but i have had good match up each week and been putting up consistently solid scores.
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| Friday, September 15th, 2006
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2:17 pm
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so the flag football season is well underway and we had our first game this week. these days i work for the Producer Price Index (PPI), and our team is aptly named Magnum PPI. anyway, our first opponent was the Bureau of Economic Analysis's Killer BEA's. BEA has dominated the league for the past 3 years, going undefeated in the regular season and playoffs during that stretch. 24-0! i blame it on the simple fact that our office has not hired a significant crop of new employees for a while. well, that has changed over the last 9 months, and our team is definitely well stocked in numbers and youth.
we had enough people show up to field a full offense and defense. since i am old and short, i ended up on defense playing as a mid-zone CB. in the first half the offenses traded blows, but they were much more successful with their PAT conversions - BEA 20, PPI 18. we got the ball to begin the 2nd half and scored on a time-consuming drive to make it BEA 20, PPI 26. on the ensuing BEA drive, we picked off a bomb and gave the ball to our offense with a long field. the BEA defense held and their offense took over at around midfield. BEA got within 3 yards of the goal line, but we were able to break up a 4th down pass. the PPI offense converted two first downs and we were able to run out the clock. our defense had held BEA to a scoreless 2nd half.
i finished with 3 tackles and 2 passes defended. i should have come down with one interception, but my stubby fingers failed me. we knew that it was a big win, but i don't think we realized it until the next day. everyone from the other teams were talking about the BEA juggernaught finally falling. i'm telling you, government economist sports leagues are no joke! :/
while i did not put in any waiver claims this week, i noticed that the owner with trent green picked up pennington, but dropped green instead of putting him on IR. i scooped him up and immediately put him on IR. ashley lelie was also dropped during the waiver run, so i added him and dropped aaron brooks. i can't imagine lelie not being WR1 in ATL by week 4. who the hell are michael jenkins and roddy white??? i also traded away marion barber 3 and got cedric benson. while i think mb3 has more upside, i also have thomas jones as my RB3. i feel a lot safer with the lower variance roster.
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| Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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4:57 pm
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un-fucking-believable. so i'm playing for the pennant this week and my two-start pitchers this week are smoltz, pettitte, and anibel sanchez. They all seem like no-brainer starters. halladay is sitting on my bench because he is questionable this week after being hit on the elbow by a liner last week. so my choices to start in the 4th and final slot are dan haren or anthony reyes. haren is slated to pitch vs liriano in MIN and reyes is facing oswalt at home. i figured starting the reyes vs HOU hitters was better than playing the struggling haren vs MIN who is hotter than beanie babies circa '96. the consequences of my decisions - smoltz gets pulled after 2 innings and 6 earned runs. pettitte goes 2.2 innings before injuring his ankle and having to leave the game. reyes has his turn in the rotation skipped, announced just hours after my line up was due. haren pitches 8 innings of 3 hit ball giving up no earned runs, sitting on my bench. thankfully i can lean on my hitters who all seem in adequate health.
don't see hollywoodland. they should have called it suckshitland.
what a dry time for movies. jackass2 is going to be entertaining. kind of have to go see the departed, even though i can't imagine how it could be better than infernal affairs. hongkong>boston. triads>houseofpain. original>copycat. jack will probably do a better job than eric tsang as the gang boss. jack is, after all, god.
the only movie keeping me up at night in anticipation... http://www.transformersmovie.com/
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| Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
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4:45 pm
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what a lucky bastard am i. so i paid the price of benching my first picks in both leagues. i opted for droughns (2pts) over brown (18pts) and t.jones (6pts) over dunn (16pts). stupid motherfucker. thank god i have lav coles in both my leagues. i doubt he'll catch 150 yards anytime soon, but i'm happy if he gives me 80 per week with a score now and then.
so on sunday i watched the early games at crystal city sports pub. unfortunately i sat next to the most annoying person on the face of the earth. it was this squat asian bronco's fan with a raspy voice who didn't use his inside voice and commented on everything. if any player had a nice play, he'd exclaim, "ooo, <player name>!" followed by either "baby!" or "that's my boy!". anytime denver got any type of yardage, he yell, "we'll take it!". i mean any type... 2 yard draw plays. he was drinking ginger ale. if he were say drinking, heaven forbid, beer at the bar, that would give him an excuse. but no… he was naturally and soberly the most annoying person i've had the pleasure of sitting next to. if it wasn't week 1 of the professional tackle football season, i would have probably grabbed him by his broncos jersey shirt and slid him across the bar desperado style. it's people like him that keep direct tv in business.
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| Thursday, September 7th, 2006
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11:59 am
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sweet jesus. the best 17 weeks of the year are upon us. just thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies.
week 1 line up dilemmas...
white league: which two do i start - r brown (at PIT), r droughns (vs NO), b westbrook (at HOU)?
i am leaving toward droughns and westbrook, but westbrook's lack of reps in the preseason worries me. with ben out, pit will probably have to play even more time-of-possession ball, which means fewer chances for brown... especially if pitt takes the early lead. houston and new orleans are such good match ups for my lesser runners. sigh.
black league: which do i start alongside w parker (vs MIA) - w dunn (at CAR), t jones (at GB)?
i think i'm going with jones here. with as bad as farve looked these past weeks, chicago will probably just ram the ball down their throats. jones was a real workhorse for me last year and i don't like any backs against carolina.
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| Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
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4:51 pm
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16th pick out of 16 teams. i took lemons and made lemon AIDS. :(
willie parker
warrick dunn
thomas jones
donald driver
jake delhomme
laveranues coles
marion barber iii
michael clayton
aaron brooks
verand morency
vernon davis
TB DEF
matt stover
in hindsight i could have gotten willie parker and chad johnson, and then someone like thomas jones or ahman green in the 3rd/4th round. now my team is just a bunch of mediocre idiots. my only chance is that certain people die... and i'm not talking about nfl players. i'm referring to the other 15 people in my league.
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| Monday, August 28th, 2006
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11:51 am
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welcome to fantasy snoresville. drafting 9th of 12. starting qb, rb, rb, wr, wr, wr, pk, def. (te counts as wr)
d mcnabb (phi)
r brown (mia)
b westbrook (phi)
c johnson (cin)
t glenn (dal)
l coles (nyj)
j elam (den)
carolina
notable bench:
r droughns (cle)
c buckhalter (phi)
m clayton (tb)
looks like i'm in store for a .500 season.
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| Thursday, August 24th, 2006
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4:22 pm
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a few weeks ago my parents came to visit dc for my birthday. i was turning a milestone age that i don't like to talk about. after spending 3 days engaged in activities costing dc prices, the highlight of my parents' (who reside in low cost-of-living kalamazoo, michigan) trip was ikea. they walked out of the store with a new set of drinking glasses, a new set of wine glasses, infi spatulas, and wooden clothes hangers. my personal highlight was the reaffirmation that my mom is awesome.
exhibit a - national botanical gardens - around halfway through your stroll in the gardens, you come upon a small enclosed, pseudo-lobby area. there are a few benches, a bank of phones, drinking fountains, and restrooms around a short corner. my parents are pretty old these days, so a bathroom break was not out of the ordinary. everyone was done except for my mom. we waited in the lobby area for her. i called my brother. phonesex took pictures of some gardenia's that were by the benches. my dad walked around and talked to himself. after exhausting all possible lobby activities, phonesex and i sat on the benches waiting. tourists came in and out. time elapsed. my mom finally comes out from around the corner. there is a man quietly standing in the lobby, but not in sight of my mom. i give her a "my god, that was long" look. then as she enters the lobby she says, "sorry... i was a little bit constipate." she notices the man. "sorry!" i run out of the lobby exploding.
exhibit b - alexandria torpedo factory art center - at the end of old town alexandria is the remains of an old torpedo factory. some hippies who gained influence decided what better way to make love not torpedoes than renovate the building into art studios and subsidize artists by giving them work space at a reduced fee. amongst the din of overpriced craft kiosks, there is a small memorial with info on the torpedo factory's history. on display is an actual full-size torpedo, obviously inert. as i am reading some of the info placards, my mom comes up behind me and whispers, "where are the bathrooms?" i point down the hall, "you'll see it on your left halfway down". she puts her hand on the torpedo and adds, "thanks... i have to go launch some torpedoes."
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| Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
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2:51 pm
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are hollywood asian gangs really that scary? did you see how freaked out drama was when he saw the bad guy from the fast and the furious tokyo drift in that suburban alley way wearing a bright-red sleeveless fendi tee? drama, i'd be worried for other reasons (ala your masseuse). honestly, how scarey was this asian gang? "run, turtle! rufio's got a box of shoes!"
i ended up getting the first draft pick in my 16-team fantasy football league! the bad news is i'm picking first in all the even rounds. for those of you who are retarded, that means i actually got the last pick in the draft. so i'm hoping that two starting RBs somehow filter themselves down to me... i would be ecstatic with mcgahee, julius, bush, or davis level runners. hopefully i will be disciplined enough to draft RB, RB.
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| Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
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2:53 pm
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so last summer phonesex had a softball scrimmage at luckett field in alexandria. luckettly it was only 5 minutes from our condo. anyway, kitty corner to the softball diamond was a free skate park. i used to skateboard a lot... like 10 years ago. but every time i would pass by vans skate park in woodbridge, i would stop by and watch and lament my formidable years. over the past year or so, i've thought about going over to the park in the early morning to see if i still can ollie more than 6 inches and boardslide. 10 years ago I would have killed for a free park 2 miles from my place. but of course it never happened…
until this past weekend. phonesex was away at a bridal shower and i had around 9 hours to kill. golf killed around 5 hours, so after my round i headed over to the skate park. the internet said it closed at a certain time, so i made sure i was there one hour before that time. the gates were locked. i'm beginning to learn that the internet is much like tv and gargamel... it lies a lot. a few kids had jumped the fence and were skating since there was plenty of daylight left. some other weenies were milling around outside, afraid of getting busted. seeing as i was facing prison as opposed to juvie, i decided to skate with the weenies. since there was nothing to skate except for flat ground, i figured out how to ollie, frontside 180 ollie, pop shuvit, and kickflip.
the next day as phonesex napped, i headed over to the skate park again. i was a bit sore, but eager to skate actual obstacles and ramps. i was able to land only around 10% of my kickflips. i worked on simple stuff like boardslides, 50-50 grinds, ollie to manuals, and rode on a few ramps. i came to the conclusion that i really suck, but i did much better than i thought i would. two hours flew by like nothing.
sometime during my session, these two sign spinners came to practice their trade. you may have seen some of these guys as you drive along strip malls. they have these big arrow-shaped signs that they flip around up in the air. it is actually quite impressive and looks like hard work, especially since they are doing this outdoors under the hot sun in a parking lot. so after their practice session, i notice one of the arrow guys passing out flyers to all the skaters. i thought to myself, this guy is retarded trying to sell advertising space to a bunch of loser skaters. he approached me and turns out he was recruiting… and he proceeded to tell me the perks of spinning big arrows for cash! $10-20 per hour! i didn’t have the heart to tell him i make much much more spinning pencils all day.
aftermath: so after maybe a combined three hours of skating and zero falls, my legs are the sorest they have ever been. i cannot put on a pair of pants when standing up. i cannot lift my left leg into the car without help from my arms. i can barely walk up stairs. unbelievable.
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| Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
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4:33 pm
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
it's been raining here in metro dc for the past six days. not consistently, but when it does rain, it comes down like ninjas in the peaches video - hard, all-over, and out of no where. this is the kind of rain where old people die and kids drown because they think jumping into the potomac will be like the lazy river ride at six flags. this is the kind of rain where when you go to bed your car is in one place and when you wake up it’s down the road in a ditch and when you sniff the seats they smell like the dirty rags underneath the sink. this is the kind of rain where three days later you have people dressed up like dustin hoffman in outbreak shoveling sewage out of your basement. fortunately none of this stuff happened to me. instead one evening as i was turning off the lights to retire, i noticed my foot was wet. i turned the lights back on to discover a puddle spanning from the balcony door to the other end of the fireplace (around 8 feet long, but only a few inches wide). after cleaning up, i put a bunch of towels at the bottom of the door seam. they have remained there ever since, uglying my lovely condo. so my next project is installing a storm door... though it may be easier and safer to just have lowes do it.
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| Monday, June 26th, 2006
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5:24 pm
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i have an insane headache right now. unfortunately in recent months i have found out that i am allergic to advil, tylenol, etc. so i refrain from taking them when possible. sucks.
the past 4 days have been filled with freebie binge eating. one of the partners in phonesex's firm is retiring, so they decided to throw him a dinner at the ritz in pentagon city. free steaks and crab cakes and alcohol and validated parking. then on saturday her firm had their summer picnic. free bbq and ice cream and crabs. then on sunday we went to go eat dim sum which is so cheap it's like it's free. i tried to run on sunday afternoon and felt like i was pregnant. at around the 4 minute mark my stomach was a giant knot and i was burping up har gow juices. but there were two other people in the gym and i could not bear looking like a wimp, so i finished up my 25 minute session. luckily the engorged feeling eventually aborted itself.
saturday night one of phonesex's coworkers invited us over for drinks at his father's loft on capital hill. he and his fiancé were house sitting for his dad and wanted to take advantage of the space. it was at the bryan school lofts which i had looked at when searching for condos, but immediately discounted because it was way out of my price range (like by around $1.5 million). the pictures on the website do not do the place justice. we were at one of the top floor lofts, whose ceilings were 17-20 feet. it had a huge, private rooftop deck with views of the capital, monument, and rfk stadium. oh to be super rich...
please let me know if you are on xbox360 live. so far i only have one friend on there and he is never on. we can do things like play uno. it will be fun.
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